Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim.

Who is a more formidable, beach brawling opponent for Ryan: Luke or Volchak?

Matty Rich: The similarities between these two angry antagonists are eerie. Luke had Holly in the horizontal hula before welcoming Ryan to the OC with a roundhouse; meanwhile, Volchak was Casey-ing his joint before eating an Atwood fist of fury. Each is a difficult foe. We forget, however, the quiet intensity that brews inside of Luke. Mess with his girl, steal his guitar, mock the freshly baked cookies his father made and you'll be warded off to the infirmary. Bitch.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Volchak has the whole "two syllable" thing going on in his name, so it takes a little bit more energy to say "Take that, Volchak" and "Nice punch, Volchok. Did Mrs. Volchok teach you how to throw it?" During the course of the fight, having to say that extra syllable would cost Ryan precious energy and precious gems. Besides, in between rounds (I assume all beach fights conform to WBA procedures) Luke would have his dad as his corner man, who would confuse Luke with lines like "You're right is acting like such a fem. Throw more butch uppercuts. And see if you can accidentally depants your strapping opponent."

Darkly Noon: Clearly Volchak. Even before Luke mellowed into a tolerant, compassionate folk hero, he was merely a prep school jock. Volchak's a thug from the wrong side of the tracks with nothing to lose. Surfboard in hand, he's gonna get rich or die tryin'. Plus, there's no way his dad is also gay.

Discuss Luke v. Volchak on the message board.

Summer described Casey's preemptive cheating as a "classic girl move." What are some other classic girl moves?

Darkly Noon: Complaining that they are always late for work when they could just as easily get up 15 minutes earlier in the morning.

Matty Rich: They shoot your brother in the back in order to distract from the fact that they weight less than most pieces of pocket lint. It's shrewd, yet bold.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Recently I was playing chess - the checkers of board games - with a lady friend. And if you can believe it, her intro was to move her D2 pawn to C3! She claimed she was simply opening a path for her C1 bishop to move to G5, but as I told her, it's a classic girl move. And a mistake! Another classic girl move? Sitting down to pee.

Discuss the new girl moves on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• How exactly does tanging the dean give Taylor leverage over Ryan and Seth?
• Hey Summer, I've seen Unfaithful, too - and Marissa is no Diane Lane.
• Come on, Sandy. You know the last time you had tequila - two years ago with that lascivious litigator Rachel after your first day at the big law firm.
• 7 Days in Memphis sounds like a lot more fun than one day in Newport right now.
• So does six weeks in Iraq.

Do you trust Sandy's new partner?

Rutherford B. Chillin': Has any character that didn't show up on the first episode of The OC ever been trustworthy? No. So of course I trust Sandy's new partner. You've got to play the odds, my friend. It's a classic girl move.

Darkly Noon: If the rapid decline in the show's writing is any indication, this seemingly nice guy will attempt to embezzle millions of dollars from the Newport Group in next week's episode. Or try to woo Kirsten away from Sanford. Or get drunk and start shooting people. So no, I don't trust him one bit.

Matty Rich: I believe in Matt Ramsey. Great first name, solid use of the final initial. One may think that a 26-year old isn't worldly enough to play a major role in a multi-million dollar corporation. But I know a certain CEO one year younger, who wears wristbands in public and shaves once a week. His company is bringing in dozens a month.

Discuss Matt Ramsey on the message board.

Lock-ins: Pleasant bonding experiences or inhumane torture devices?

Darkly Noon: I found my first (and only) lock-in to be entertaining and a great way of bonding with fellow victims, but the experience was less enjoyable for many of the more uptight pledges. Granted, spending 12 hours in a putrid room with garbage cans for toilets and the LFO hit "Summer Girls" blaring (on repeat) is not something one would choose to do on a weekend, but I could at least appreciate the absurdity of the event. The key, really, is to binge-drink yourself unconscious, then wake up only after the senior brothers finally let you out of the basement.

Matty Rich: Some people named Darkly love these things. Booze hounds named after sub-par movies no one has ever heard of look forward to drunken debauchery and the cold comfort of basement linoleum. I'm more refined. I value my freedom. After like seven hours locked inside a gym, no matter how tempting Taylor Townsend teetering toward a total tantrum would be, my abundance of alliterative associations would be ... empty.

Rutherford B. Chillin': First off, let me say I would gladly be locked in anywhere if Taylor Townsend was there. Taylor Townsend is the hottest girl I've ever seen - and I've seen all of your sisters. I mean, Summer is obviously very attractive, and that Alex girl was beautiful, and Marissa would be hot if she just lost a few pounds, but Taylor puts them all to shame. Being locked in with her would be a sweet bonding experience. However, if I was locked in a room with just Cary Elwes and a dead guy, that would probably be inhumane torture...though not as torturous as the sequel.

Discuss Lock-ins on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• Taylor Townsend sucks. But there's no way that girl swallows.
• Apparently attempted bribery of Trey and obstruction of justice doesn't qualify Julie as a criminal in her mind.
• That must've been the largest game of Capture the Flag ever.
• And there's no way Seth was champion of it at camp.
• Unless it was a camp for the blind.
• But even it were. No way.

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.