Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim.

Will Marissa hook up with Johnny?

Matty Rich: This guy is cash. He's on the spot. Heeeeeere he is. While you'd think that giving her flower to Ryan would signify some sort of commitment, Marissa was ditching the Ry guy for new friends within a day of starting her new school. How soon until she christens the lifeguard stand with her latest supposed savior? The girl has issues. She'll binge with Johnny, she'll purge with him. There's really no way of knowing what could happen.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Not only will she leave her Newport lover to hook up with this kid from the wrong side of the tracks, but the affair will send Ryan spiraling into a storyline where his father shows up, turns out to be gay, and moves to Oregon. Ryan will react to the news by becoming a different, and increasingly lamer, character every week.

Darkly Noon: She's already hooked up with Luke, Ryan, Oliver and Alex (and those are just the ones we know about), so I see no reason why the sensitive, shaggy and sweet-talking Johnny wouldn't get a ride on the Newport Bicycle, too.

Discuss Marissa/Johnny on the message board.

Would you tang Taylor if it put your job at risk and meant possible statutory rape charges?

Darkly Noon: Me personally? Right now? No way I would spank that spunky skank. However, if I were a power-tripping dean with a made up job, and/or the type of person who derives satisfaction from demanding that teenage boys clean the locker room, yes, I could see myself wanting to hit that piece.

Matty Rich: Taylor is kind of tyrannical, a bit troublesome, but mostly terrific. She's an alliterative algorithm of assonance. That being said - very slowly and carefully, with eyebrows fully furrowed in confusion - I'd probably stay away from crossing the figurative goal line for a Townsend touchdown. I like a woman to take charge now and then - pin me down and call me Yahweh, baby! - but this girl would make the act of passionate love making feel more like a chore. I'd be just another lackey taking orders from the disapproving Sexual Chair. That's not how I want it done! Must I do everything myself?. Wait, can I change my answer?

Rutherford B. Chillin': Well, considering how my official job title is "Assistant Statutory Rapist," I assume an actual statutory rape, and not just a working module of one, would actually further my career.

Discuss the new Taylor and the dean on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• It's a good thing Julie can still afford to send Caitlin to boarding school.
• Instead of the "End of Summer," why not call it the "Beginning of Autumn" dance? Kids these days are so pessimistic.
• Apparently the diner is the new Bait Shop.
• Either Ryan is trying out for a role as Danny Zuko, or the addition of a leather jacket to his wardrobe is symbolic in some way.

Give Julie financial advice to get her back on her feet.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Julie, I understand that the stock market looks iffy at best in these trying times, what with the situation in the Middle East and oil prices being at an all-time high, but you can never go wrong with low interest rate bonds. Sure, they won't pay off immediately, but you have to look at these things logically and with fiscal responsibility. The market may fluctuate but your bonds will always retain their value. Invest now, and by the time you're ready to retire your portfolio should ... oh, I'm sorry, I blacked out for a minute there. Did we win?

Darkly Noon: As fellow Round Tabler Rutherford B. Chillin' so aptly stated last week, it's clear that Julie has sucking to do. We all know she is not capable of pulling it together and getting a legitimate job, and thus, her options are limited. With her career as a gold-digging leech officially in shambles, Julie needs to get on the horn with Lance and begin work on their long-awaited celluloid sequel, The Porn Supremacy, ASAP.

Matty Rich: Without any quick loans from The Newport Group, this vixen elicited more vulnerability than viciousness last night. I wish there were an instant financial fix, but quality debt management can take time. Granted, an application is free to submit and there are never any obligations to fully commit to these services. Advisors are simply standing by, anxious to offer assistance. Nevertheless, Julie may have to wait a few months before interest rates are lowered and monthly bills consolidated. She can have lots of sex and charge money for it in the meantime.

Discuss Julie's finances on the message board.

What career path should Kirsten follow now?

Darkly Noon: If she sells the Newport Group, Kirsten should utilize her vast array of professional talents for the greater good ... as a senior marketing associate for PURE Vodka.

Matty Rich: I really need a personal assistant. If she can hook up a phone in the office, as well as connect a printer and fax machine, it would be ideal. But a simple smile, gentle touch and encouraging words of advice would suffice.

Rutherford B. Chillin': The one on the left. Oh, I kid, that path sucks. While "Assistant to the Assistant Statutory Rapist" would have its perks, Kirsten should really model her life after that of the late Domino Harvey and become a bounty hunter. Well, not so much a bounty hunter as a person who tracks down missing O.C. characters. She could keep herself busy going after Caitlin, the gardener guy, Alex, Anna, her own sister and my pants.

Discuss Kirsten's career on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• Why was Marissa so concerned about kids at the dance not seeing her? All she had to do was turn sideways.
• Can Casey be at my bat?
• Summer must have friends at school, right? Just one?
• Wouldn't kids at Newport Union elect Marissa student body president for the shooting?
• Hey, Taylor, know what would make a great yearbook quote? Sometimes, the sun is shining brightly, the planets are aligned and the entire group is just getting along so well. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's dramatic and comedic gold.

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.