Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim.

If Taylor Townsend is the Karl Rove of the OC, who is Dick Cheney

Rutherford B. Chillin': The Dick Cheney of Newport? With all these twists and turns, it's tough to know who is behind the scenes, pulling the strings at any given time (except, of course, for the gaffers), so I'll go with Julie Cooper Nichol Bouvier McClure Terwilliger Cooper, since she leads the league in dick.

Darkly Noon: Quite clearly it is the man with the most arrogance, biggest fortune, distinguished good looks and possibly-lesbian stepdaughter. The late Caleb Nichol.

Matty Rich: Hmmm ... grey-haired, powerful, pulling the strings of a town - nay, a nation! - while rarely showing his face? This has the spirit of Caleb Nichol written all over it. An omnipotent man such as this never dies, he tweaks lines from William Wallace and truly lives. Forever. Last night's episode proved that Caleb can buy a round of drinks from the beyond, does anyone else doubt he can still purchase whatever he likes around Newport? Look past the dim-witted, insensitive, pompous, incompetent supposed leader of Orange County - I have no analogy to any actual character here, just figured I'd briefly describe the current President of the United States - and realize that Caleb, devoid of any bodily worries, is more dangerous than ever. If Marissa had been convicted of man slaughter, you know what Cal would have bought for her, right? Freeeeeedom!

Discuss Dick Cheney on the message board.

Jimmy proposed to a slightly intoxicated Julie. What is your ideal marriage proposal?

Matty Rich: I'd like to do something that makes my girl aware of how truly special she is, an act appropriate for the gorgeous, caring, beauty that I'm fortunate enough to even have the slightest chance of spending the rest of my life lying next to every night. So maybe I'd dress in dark clothing and refer to her as my "angel" as I ask for her hand; or I could pour honey all over her luscious body; perhaps a trip to Las Vegas would be in order, where we could engage in some fantastic foreplay before I pop the question. Really, whatever would make Jessica happy.

Rutherford B. Chillin: Well, my lovely and I are on top of a mountain, our bare feet caressed by the unnaturally soft, yet still natural, grass beneath it. She is dressed in white and bathed in light, and I picked flowers for her hair. She picked me up at my house. A brook crickles in the background, and crickle becomes a word. A bevy of woodland creatures surround us in a peaceful unity of man and animal, and none seem to mind my leather pants or fur coat, or the string of dead chipmunks I adorn my neck with. A rainbow of songbirds shower us with a treetop chorus, and none shower me or my lovely with droppings. The sun rises in the east while another sun sets in the west. I get down on one knee, look up at my soon-to-be-bride's enormous breasts, and pop the question. She says, sure, as long as another girl can join us. All is right in the world.

Darkly Noon: It would probably be less of a proposal and more of a negotiation. One in which Darkly capitulates on all fronts.

Discuss Marriage proposals on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• So Kirsten is a woman of many talents? Man, oh man, would we love to see some of those!
• Sorry, Summer, but according to VH-1, the Best Year Ever was last year.
• Jess overdoses on Ecstasy and nearly dies at a party. She's back in school the next day. Marissa shoots an ex-con from Chino in defense of her boyfriend and is expelled. Just making sure I'm following along.
• Marissa doesn't put any work into social events? What about the O. Sea, Taylor?!? What about the O.Sea?

What the heck is the dean's problem?

Rutherford B. Chillin: Probably misses his old glasses. Or he knows Ryan is planning on wrapping him up in a carpet and throwing him off a bridge.

Darkly Noon: This holier-than-thou assclown clearly thinks he runs the place. Does he really believe that his East Coast private school background makes him better than everyone else? There was much cheering in the Noon household when Ryan popped the pompous prick, let me tell you. All that was missing? Reprising Luke Ward's classic line, "Welcome to the OC, (you pretentious, punk ass) bitch."

Matty Rich: He's, like, so mean to Ryan and Marissa. Maybe there was some dark incident from his past, some trouble between himself and a misunderstood rebel from the wrong side of the tracks and his anorexic, whining girlfriend. The dean may possess scars from previous interactions with these kinds of people and is now taking out those emotions on our favorite couple. Either that, or the show really needed an arbitrary villain to come in and randomly, inexplicably act as an immediate foil for these troubled teens.

Discuss The new dean on the message board.

Alliteratively awesome work by Seth: "Topple that tyrant, Taylor Townsend." Can you top that?

Matty Rich: Taylor Townsend, the pretty, perky, party-planner, picks pockets of pirouetting, pacifist pirates, preventing perpetual poker-playing plans.

Darkly Noon: Sage Sanford steadfastly seduces sultry, shrieking spouse!

Rutherford B. Chilli: Taylor Townsend's temperament totally trivializes teenage truce and sends a screaming Summer searching for social chairdom.

Discuss Taylor Townsend on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• Did The Bait Shop close down?!?
• A baby blue sweater vest and matching tie, Dean? Really, tough guy?
• At times like that, you've gotta wonder: What would Luke Ward do?
• Who else is pumped for a return of Lindsay when the will is read?
• Put down your hand, Darkly.

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.