Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Max Power Favorite character: Hailey The OC words to live by: Puuuuuddding!

Name: Leighton S. Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don‘t know because it stays there! That‘s why we must go! Contact: Private Message

How much time should go by before one makes a move on a widow?

Matty Rich: How long does it take to bury a body? Look, Jimmy has spent the last few months being laid all over Hawaii (see what I did there?) and one glance at his former tramp of a wife brought back a flood of emotions. You can't fault the man for figuratively dropping an elbow on Caleb's carcass on the way back to the love of his life. She isn't Cal's JuJu anymore, so it's time, once again, to sprinkle some Jimmies on that Julie sundae.

Max Power: Why would you want to make a move on Julie Cooper, the widow, when Hailey Nichol, who is just as entitled to a large fortune, is available? This baffles the mind.

Darkly Noon: Grieving women need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, someone to help them through the toughest of times. Then they need some wild romance to help them get over it. As someone who frequently cruises the funeral scene for available babes, Darkly can tell you a thing or two about this subject. First, prep work. Scan the obituaries beforehand and narrow your list of candidates. Then head over to the wake and go from there. Blend in. Think of a believable back story to explain your presence. Pretend you were friends with the guy in high school or something. Roll with the punches. Be smooth. With any luck, you'll have your foot in the door within the first 12 hours after her husband's burial, and in 2-3 days, she'll be ready to start hooking up.

Leighton S.: Newport seems to operate on some sort of warp speed, doggy-year timeline. While it would normally be considered an inappropriate/insensitive/in-and-out burger breach of a grievance period, 16 hours is totally acceptable in the OC. We here at The Files have worked up the following equation to help our readers with the time acceleration coefficient:

Real Time X [(Your Age divided by 2)-1/ Number of times you've witnessed gunfire] X [People who remember what Caitlin Cooper looks like/ (Number of teen issues not touched on in Seasons 1&2) + (Marissa's weight)] - [Number of people who asked for a soap opera/ People who miss witty Seth, savvy Sandy, confident Kirsten, vindictive Julie, sexy Summer, volatile Marissa, and constipated Ryan]

Discuss Jimmy and Julie on the message board.

Grade the participation of each participant in the intervention.

Darkly Noon: Since Kirsten had no idea who the doctor was or what he was doing there, we'll limit this report card to her family members. Sanford: B-. He meant well, as per usual, but the typical softball approach failed to crack Kirsten's defenses. Hailey: D. Unfortunately, hotness doesn't produce results in this arena. Ryan: A. Fair and heartfelt, the Chino native's plea for her to seek help was by far the most effective, and elicited more than a few tears from viewers in Matty Rich's living room. Seth: C+. Sure, his simple, declarative performance was the clincher. But come on. Ryan loosened the cap, while Seth merely opened the bottle. Whoever determined this batting order really needs to be sent down the AA Intervention Leagues. You can't have the whiny little punk batting cleanup.

Leighton S.:

• Sandy - D-, way too long. I'm no intervention expert, but he should have stopped at: "Honey..."
• Hailey - C, 36-C
• Ryan- B+, kudos for standing up to the most attractive alcoholic in the world. Kirsten loves you too, man.
• Dr. Awkward - A+, I'm pretty sure this intervention would have been less awkward had this guy not worn a shirt.
• Seth - A, I was relieved to see there's still hope for these two. And, like most things in life, a broken bottle of vodka sheds light on that hope.

Matty Rich: Seconds into this minute-long intervention, Kirsten still didn't know who the doctor was or why he was there. He receives an "F" for a lack of introductory skills. Sandy, meanwhile, should stick to a court of law; he seemed unsure how to express concern over the quarts of vodka consumed daily by his wife. While the concoction of the plan was a hardball approach, the conciliatory plea for help was softer than the money in many political campaigns. He gets a "C." Hailey has obviously been focusing too much on clothing designing and not enough on alcoholic intervening. That's her career choice, I guess, but it lands her with a "B-." Ryan's points were sculpted better his biceps and he told it like it was. Chino must have been chock full of interventional moments. Give this man an "A!" Finally, Seth did not talk about himself, but he did appear on my television screen: "B+."

Max Power: In a scene that was reminiscent of how I liked to study for exams in college - at the last minute, with no preparation, and over with in 90 seconds - I'd give the whole fiasco a solid B minus. It could have been a lot worse, as Sandy dropped the ball, but set the stage for the quick one-liner intervention.

• Sandy: D, I expect better from the master of wisdom.
• Hailey: A+, I've got no idea what she said, but my God she's gorgeous.
• Ryan: B-, delivered with all the emotion of a rock.
• Seth: B, he gets a B just for not talking about himself.

Discuss the new The intervention on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• Apparently it takes the death of a family member for a mother and son to interact.
• Caleb, please don't die again. We can't handle another incessantly awful song during your funeral.
• The Bait Shop would attract even more mourners if it offered half price drinks to all coming straight from a funeral.
• It's a good thing that place doesn't check for IDs. Or guns. Or large bags of cocaine.

If Marissa goes to jail, what will be her nickname in the slammer?

Leighton S.: I was unaware that prison janitors give nicknames to their mops.

Max Power: She's not going to last long enough in jail to earn one,. If she just turns slightly, she can squeeze through the bars. Plus, do you really think she's going to put up with wearing orange, and only orange, for the next couple years?

Darkly Noon: "That hot, young, possibly-bisexual piece of ass who never touches her salisbury steak, and who busted a cap in some drug-dealing rapist from Chino."

Matty Rich: It's a variation of Cosmo Girl: Complete and utter annoyance.

Discuss Marissa in jail on the message board.

What will you miss most about this season?

Darkly Noon: Thinking of positive things to write about its mediocre episodes. I always look forward to a tremendous challenge.

Leighton S.: The lack of free space on my TiVo.

Matty Rich: The synonyms I come up with for "selfish" and "whiny" when referring to Seth. It'll be interesting to see how this petulant, eristic, disputatious, egocentric, miserly, narcissistic character evolves over the summer. Oh: megalomaniac, vain, peremptory and contemptuous. And sucky.

Max Power: Caitlin.

Discuss This season on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• Was anyone else surprised that Marissa could hold a gun that weighed more than she did?
• Way to back up your partner in crime, Jess. I really thought you and Trey had something.
• Wow. A boarding school that doesn't allow Caitlin to leave for her step father's funeral. That's strict.
• Did she ever meet Caleb?
• I mean, where the heck was she??
• AHHHH!!!!

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.