Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim

Which is more of a problem: Kirsten's alcoholism or Seth's chronic nerdiness?

Matty Rich: Problem? The last time I checked, drunk Kirsten was one of the only two reasons left to watch this decaying show (the other one being sober Kirsten). Let's just get her off the depressing, cliched vodka schtick, put a ping pong ball in her hand and line up those cups. Conversely, isn't it a good idea to throw tools out when they get old and useless ? So when will Seth finally see the inside of a trash can? Or the dark, hot, eternal labyrinths of Hell?

Rutherford B. Chillin': It's Seth's nerdiness, without a question. First of all, I don't believe women can be alcoholics. They can just be more fun at parties. But even if Kirsten has an alcohol problem, that can be solved with a trip to one of California's many four-star rehab facilities. Hell, she might even meet a celebrity! But chronic nerdiness turned one of television's best characters into the most annoying guy in the room (even when it's just him and George Lucas in said room).

Darkly Noon: While both problems are quite serious, they could be solved quickly with a simple reallocation of booze. If Kirsten took it easy on the sauce, she might become a little more stable. If Seth, on the other hand, were to let loose and get absolutely faded on a nightly basis, he might become a little less toolish.

Discuss Kirsten v. Seth on the message board.

Write out Caleb's will.

Darkly Noon: Julie, my conniving, unfaithful wife and companion, it gives me great pleasure to leave 0.00% of my estate to you. That's right. You even have to bury me with your own money. How do you like me now, bitch? Okay, that's enough. Stop crying, JuJu, you're embarrassing yourself. Alright, on to my children. Kirsten, I can't justify giving you any money when I know it will only go toward Chardonnay. Hailey, since you don't bother to let me know your whereabouts, I leave you nothing as well. I would like to thank my youngest daughter, Lindsay, for abandoning me after I opened my house - and my heart - to you earlier this year. You get jack! I guess that leaves my grandson, Seth. Oye. With no suitable heirs, I hereby bequeath all of my liquid assets, real estate holdings, hedge funds and Clippers season tickets to the California Department of Conservation. Name some wetlands for me. C-Dog ... izzout!

Matty Rich: To Lindsay, I leave a pat on the back - way to get out of town before things got even more absurd and unentertaining around here. To Seth, I leave the rest of my sleeping pills - take them all at once. To Marissa, I leave a penny - get a life and bring me back the change. (Yes, still got it!) To Hailey, I leave your name as a reminder to all viewers that forgot about my other hot daughter - hubba, hubba. To Sanford, I leave a right cross and a wink - you'll always be the Lindsay Lohan to my Hillary Duff. To Kirsten, I leave The Newport Group - obviously. Finally, to Julie, I leave you with my impression of a dead guy in a pool - let me know if it needs any work.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Dear Benefactors - Remember that show, The Benefactor? No?ÊMe neither. But I digress. I'm sure you're all wondering what I'm leaving you in my will. Kirsten, I would have made a crack about leaving you some alcohol, but I just found out about your problem in this episode, and I had other things to worry about, like my impending death, and the cancellation of The Benefactor. Speaking of television, Sanford, I leave you the DVD of Season One of Sanford and Son. Enjoy the urban humor. Seth, I leave you a wedgie, since it's what your nerdy ass deserves. Ryan, I leave you sleeves and a how-to video on buttoning up shirts. Marissa, I leave you a plate of donuts (zing!). Caitlin, I leave you a mention in my will, which should be enough for you. And Julie, my Julie, I leave you with a plot line that probably involves battling Sandy and Kirsten over my estate. Enjoy it! I know no one else will.

Discuss the new Caleb's will on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• So Summer's dream involves an event that occurs every year, at high schools across the nation, where any student is allowed to attend.
• Way to aim high, sweetheart.
• For those keeping score at home, Julie has now slept with four characters that have subsequently left town or died.
• Nerd boy vs. Assclown, huh? That sounds as exciting as Tyson vs. McBride.

Do you think Sandy's "softball" approach to parenting and marriage is effective?

Rutherford B. Chillin': You know, I'd rather Sandy take a soft-serve ice cream approach to marriage and parenting. Think about it.ÊDifferences between he and KirstenÊor he and Seth would swirl together perfectlyÊlike some sort of chocolate/vanilla combination. And whatever problems he couldn't solve, he could cover with a hard chocolate shell. And if anyone was lactose intolerant, well, they've got plenty of bathrooms in that house for everyone.

Darkly Noon: Absolutely. Do you think Seth could actually hit a baseball? Thrown overhand? But seriously, folks. Sanford cares deeply for his wife and son, but also respects their individuality. He wants to do what is best for them by letting them help themselves. By allowing Seth to remain in Portland until he was ready to return, and by not forcing Kirsten into rehab, he expressed his concern while displaying trust and confidence in both to make the right decisions. Kirsten's betrayal of that trust doesn't warrant criticism of Sandy's style. This could be seen as passive by the hard-line parents out there, but consider the alternative. What is he going to do, reprimand his own wife? Demand his teenage son come back and live under house arrest? The harder you push people, especially during vulnerable moments in their lives, the harder they push back.

Matty Rich: Let's see, he has an alcoholic wife who recently kissed another man and a son so self-centered that he actually talks in the fourth person. It may be time for our hero to speed up his delivery. Stop lobbing softballs at your kin and throw a brush back pitch or two, Sandy. When the game is on the line and sports analogies are all you have, what are you gonna do when the clock is winding down, it's fourth and goal and your playbook is chock full of erroneous formation? Run a wide receiver reverse, Sanford. Run a wide receiver reverse with all your might.

Discuss Sandy's ways on the message board.

How will the Ryan/Marissa/Trey situation be resolved?

Darkly Noon: Two words: Atwood. Sandwich. Do the math!

Matty Rich: As long as the result is Seth setting sail on a tiny boat for no logical reason, I'll be happy!

Rutherford B. Chillin': Four words: sibilant, frangible, myelitis, socks. Now four words that pertain to the question: Three Way Dance Off. Winner takes all. All of what? Don't you worry about that. Just surrender yourself to the dance offery.

Discuss Ryan/Marissa/Trey on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• Somebody give the guy who called Seth a "tool" his own show.
• The O. Sea. Now I get it.
• I bet Luke totally bagged Jess last year.
• So Theresa's baby looks "more like her father everyday." Is her father also a two-month old infant?

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.