Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty R. Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Leighton S. Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don‘t know because it stays there! That‘s why we must go! Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim

THE ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION

Did Seth forgive Summer too easily?

Matty: Are you kidding? Seth is providing the perfect paradigm for all males to follow. Let's face it, women are like puppies, they have to be trained properly. For awhile, it appeared as though Summer's leash was never-ending; she ordered her boy toy around, scoffed at his mannerisms and referred to him, derisively, by his last name. We were led to believe that Summer was cracking the whip in this relationship. Seth dutifully grabbed the reins, however, as he used Summer's unforgivable obedience to her father against her, taking full advantage of the opportunity to romp through The Vegas in a prostitute-laden gambling adventure, replete with pimps and hoes. Snoop would be proud. So when Summer was accepted back into Seth's scraggly arms, it was as though she'd received a major shock from the electric fence around her man's heart. She won't stray too far again. Trust me, pretty soon Summer's catchphrase won't be "ewww," it'll be, "ruff! ruff!"

Rutherford B. Chillin': Seth played this perfectly. He got his two cents in, made his girlfriend feel like she had wronged him, got a little prostitute action, and then managed to get back with Summer before she went and found herself another, perhaps studlier, boyfriend. And who am I kidding? Summer was cool about the prostitutes. She wasn't into it, but she was cool with it. Since she's cool with prostitutes, she could cut my leg off and I'd forgive her (as long as it wasn't my left leg. That's my prostituting leg)

Leighton: I don't know. Seth and Summer are turning out to be much more of a train wreck than I thought they'd be, largely because I expected Seth to stand up for himself. Instead, he's acted like the fourth and eldest member of Hanson (Where are you Michael Bolton?) and retracted from the only good thing he has going for him. But forgiving Summer now is probably the right move. Anytime you can kiss a Vegas hooker and be in the position to have your girlfriend willingly help pay her off ... gorgeous

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Who would win a fight between Julie and Hailey?

Rutherford B. Chillin': Before last night, I would have said Hailey, hands down (or tied behind her back. One can dream). I mean, she was a notorious party girl, hanging with the bad seeds; she is a world traveller, probably picking up all sorts of kung fu techniques along the way; and she enjoyed a brief stint as a Los Angeles stripper (where she learned to control her body's movements and, possibly, another kung fu grip). Yet, when the fight went down, all the supposed tough-girl had was a gentle shove before Julie Cooper sent her screeching into the pool. Of course, with her loyal army of male strippers, Hailey hardly needs to fight her own battles anymore.

Matty: How many times do you think Julie has been in a cat fight? Between all the husbands she's bagged - along with the sons, cats, table legs and ketchup bottles - she's seen more female fists flying her way than the number of Rooney concerts that Luke has attended. Plus, she's from the mean streets of Riverside. It's just a matter of experience. Hailey is one tough chica for sure, but she is used to relying on her daddy's money to help bail her out of jams. To paraphrase Hulk Hogan: what'cha gonna do, H-bomb, when the menacing stares, sharp nails and STDs of Julie C. come raining down on you?!?

Leighton: Do they ever let welterweights fight the heavies? I mean, isn't this like a squirrel trying to fight a Buick? Hailey may be able to get some scratches, hair pulls, and bites in, but she'd end up getting pummeled by Julie. There's a reason Julie "Death Stare" Cooper holds the IKYB (I'll Kill You Bitch) title. Now that she's backed by Caleb "Mr. O.C." Nichol, we'll have to wait until she retires, un-retires, retires, un-retires and then retires for good after a freak yogalaties incident (Julie's Bouncing Boobs Bonanza will never have its full punch again). Hailey should just be happy she's got Jimmy. He's dreamy.

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Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• So Ryan can count cards? Really? Apparently THAT'S how it's done in Chino, bitch.
• Ryan and Seth should have realized Jen was a prostitute from the beginning; only basketball players go to UNLV.
• Yahoo! Maps lists the drive from Newport Beach, CA to Las Vegas as 276.6 miles. That's like four hours, not including the time it would take to find Ryan, Seth & co. Summer may be able to stop traffic with her looks, but can she really stop time?
• - And if she could, shouldn't she use that power for purposes besides checking up on Seth in the Vegas?
• Apparently, one of the amenities of the penthouse of the Hard Rock is its lack of a phone, just in case you'd need to call security to remove pimps and hookers.

Should Marissa be mad at Ryan for having slept with Theresa?

Leighton: Why would she? This girl gets knocked around more than Tina Turner and has yet to really throw a fit. Let's recap: her dad loses all the family money, her parents separate, she flirts with becoming an alcoholic/drug addict, she breaks up with her boyfriend, she gets held hostage by a certifiable psycho, her ex-boyfriend sleeps with her mom and almost kills himself, her soon-to-be stepfather blackmails her, and now this? And you wonder why she doesn't eat? Crap, if all this stuff happened to me, I'd be down at the local Al Queda recruitment office weighing health care plans. Do I go with Blue Beard Blue Turban's smaller premium, or do I take Osama Bin Pilgrim because they offer a pretty decent dismemberment clause? I just don't know. I'm sure Marissa has the right to be mad at Ryan, but with all the stuff that's going on in her life, there's no telling what she'll do. All we can do is sit back and hope she organizes an all-girl naked pillow fight to cope with, you know, the pain.

Rutherford B. Chillin: Is there anything Marissa doesn't get upset about? She cries when doves cry and this recent Prince comeback has her bawling. So of course she's going to be upset at Ryan and Theresa sleeping together, but she has no right. After all, it was Marissa who drove Ryan away by becoming involved with Oliver, and by having that terrible voice. It was Marissa who wasn't willing to take that extra, Luke-esque step and make Theresa feel unwelcome in The OC (she could throw a thin-wristed punch her way after Social Committee practice). Also, it's not like Ryan was sleeping with Theresa just to get his rocks off. He wanted to get Theresa pregnant, so she would swell up, and even out the weight of the girls he's slept with. That way, instead of sleeping with a 40-pounder and a 110-pounder, with a pregnant Theresa, he'd be averaging a nice 105-pound girl. It's called math, Marissa. Learn it. Use it. Then eat something.

Matty: Let's rewind back to the night of Ryan and Theresa's lovemaking: beautiful ex-girlfriend throwing herself at you in a hotel room ... or crazy ex-girlfriend throwing up in a bathroom? Ryan must have scrunched his face for awhile thinking about which path to take on that one. Was he supposed to deny his male carnal urges in honor of Marissa, the same girl who just recently had regarded Ryan's concern over Oliver the way she regarded her next meal, as an unnecessary nuisance? It's a shame that Marissa had to find out about her boyfriend's blazing hot night with Latino Heat in the manner that she did, but she should still be grateful. She'll have the chance to ride the Ryan Express soon; he's probably just afraid that she'd snap in half if they tried it right now.

Discuss Marissa and Ryan on the message board

Ok, so in Las Vegas, "What happens here, stays here." Think of a motto for Orange County.

Matty: "Come for the beaches, stay for the monkey sex with Julie Cooper."

Leighton: "Yeah, there's a topical cream for that."

Rutherford B. Chillin': If the motto for Las Vegas is "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," then, judging by the end of last night's episode, the motto for Orange County should be, "What happens in Vegas, is revealed in Orange County." Sandy wasn't home two minutes before he let Kirsten know of everything that went down in Vegas, and I'm sure next week Seth will be wowing Summer's father with stories of his working girl exploits.

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Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• More vital statistics: Delta Airlines is running a sale on one-way tickets from LA to Atlanta for less than $120 if you purchase before May 7. Even without the sale price, you can probably get a $300-400 ticket any day of the week on several major US air carriers. Or, if planes aren't your thing, Amtrak will get you there for $315 plus tax. Greyhound Bus? $205! Point being: what the heck do you need $2,000 for, Theresa?!?
• When Jimmy punched Caleb out, did anyone else jump up, pump his fists, stand on top of the coffee table and shout at the TV: "Down goes Caleb ... down goes Caleb!"?
• Ok, me neither.
• This episode was called "The Strip." As in the Vegas strip of night life ... and the naked strips of the strippers. Brilliant!

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