Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty R. Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim

Name: Mr. Blue Favorite character: Kirsten The OC words to live by: Sandy: Face it, your mom‘s a hottie. And I got her. Contact: Private Message

THE ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION

Should Sandy have told Ryan about Eddie's abuse?

Matty: Should Theresa have gone to Newport in the first place? Should there be more harsh rules on soft money contributions to presidential campaigns? Should people wait in line for an hour just to get a Krispy Kreme doughnut? And what about hit and runs, should there really be a law against mowing someone down with your car and fleeing the scene? There are certain questions that will always straddle the line of moral ambiguity. Sandy probably had a responsibility to keep Theresa's secret from Ryan, but FOX had a responsibility to treat viewers to another round of fisticuffs, perhaps using shards of glass this time around, a la Kickboxer. It's a tough call, but in the end, they're just doughnuts.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Sandy did the right thing by keeping the abuse hidden from Ryan, not for Ryan's interests, but for his own. See, Sandy knew that if Ryan found out, he'd drive down to Chino, beat up Eddie, head back to jail and Theresa would leave The OC and marry her abuser. This throws quite the cog into Sandy's plans to have as many kids that aren't his in his house at once. Without Theresa, that pool house would be pretty empty when Willis and Arnold arrive next week, and if Ryan were gone, who would show Webster how to not button up his shirt?

Mr. Blue: It's a tough call, but I like the way Sandy is acting increasingly like the kid's old man.Ê Good character development.Ê I also like how Ryan does continue to resist; he still can't get used to living by rules.Ê I also like that they brough T-Money back to the show, but she won't be on for long.Ê Anyway, Sandy is playing a father figure to Ryan and his character is taking an increasing role in that.Ê I like it!

Discuss Sandy's decision on the message board


Now that we've had a week to let it sink in, give us your parting words for Luke...

Rutherford B. Chillin': While I'm still not sure that Luke has actually left (I mean, he's such a chameleon of a character, soccer stud one day, guitar hero the next, loser the week after that, how am I supposed to believe that that was Julie's sister and not just Luke playing his most daring role to date?), I would grace him with these parting words, from Bob Seger's "Travelin' Man:" "Up with the sun, gone with the wind/She always said I was lazy/Leavin' my home, leavin' my friends/Runnin' when things get too crazy." Yes, Luke did run off to Oregon when things got too crazy, but you know what's really crazy? In Oregon, you can't pump your own gas! Not like Luke and his DWI are going to be driving anywhere anytime soon, but once the open road calls to him, Luke had better make sure he stays inside his car when he pulls up to a Mobil. Luckily for Luke's Dad, there is no state law that bans pumping guys.

Matty: If this isn't an ideal opportunity to pen an ode, I don't know what is:
An Ode to Luke
First, you took Marissa's v-card,
Then, the news of your father's sexuality pretty hard.
But the latter made you a softie, a guitar strumming fool,
When you rocked out to Rooney, gosh, you looked like a tool.
Yet you were always there to drop the Great Gatsby,
You were a hero to some, a disappointment to many, when you tanged Julie C.
Now you're a lesson in the perils of drunk driving and MILF success,
In your Portland fights and absurd character twists, we wish you the best.

Mr. Blue: I thought long and hard about this, for like 20 seconds.Ê I thought the best thing to tell Luke would be to quote his favorite band.Ê No, not the legendary Bob Seger - by the way, how funny is it that Julie's favorite band is Seger ... ah, if only she were "20" years younger or Luke "20" years older, cause let's face it, real life, they're 10 years apart, max.Ê Does anyone else expect a Mrs. Brady/Greg Brady behind the scenes love affair?Ê Why don't we see more of this on Access Hollywood? -Êbut I digress. By Luke's favorite band, I clearly mean Rooney.Ê I poured through their lyrics, looking for something good, and came to this:
"I want you to know
I've done our charts and it says
that we work as one
like the jackson 5 and the temptations
if it were up to me
she would know that

our love (our love)
is the best love (best love)
if it were up to me
yes, our love (our love)
is real love
so just let it be"

It's from their song, "If it Were up to Me."Ê I would say think about it, try to see the irony, but that's not the point.Ê The point is, the band is awful!ÊÊI mean, seriously, those are song lyrics???Ê I have listened to the OC soundtrack extensively, really like it (look for a review by yours truly this week or next) but this Rooney band?Ê I mean, come on!Ê Every song is a "I hate myself, I like her but she doesn't know it" song.Ê I wanted to kill myself reading the lyrics!Ê Clearly, if Luke rides up to Portland blasting Rooney, he's going to get the same reception as Billy Madison, the first day of high school with REO Speedwagon booming ... LOSER!!!Ê So Luke, change your tunes, keep sleeping with moms, and, as Bill S. Preston, Esq.Êand Ted Theodore Logan once said, "Be awesome to one another".Ê And for pete's sake, stop listening to Rooney!Ê (How goofy was his face singing along to Rooney live?Ê That ranks as one of the top ten funniest moments on the show).

Discuss Goodbye to Luke on the message board


Random thoughts/questions (Part I)
- Has there ever been a TV wedding that's taken more than a couple weeks to plan?
- You know, even if Summer's father was gonna eat out of the palm of Seth's hand, he'd still need a menu. He just wouldn't need a place setting.
- Is celery still gay if you put peanut butter on it?
- Seth's comic book schpiel was so lame that I was ready to date him just so I could dump him for that little speech.
- They must have edited out the scene where Marissa threw up after eating that bite of chocolate cake.


Do you think Kirsten is jealous of her sister and Jimmy?

Mr. Blue: Obviously.Ê How could she not be?Ê He's good looking, intelligent, well-liked, hard working, honest, great job, comes from a healthy family background ... and she's stuck with Sandy. Ê"Seth, is that sarcasm?"

Rutherford B. Chillin: Siblings are always going to be jealous of each other. It's simply part of being a family. Kirsten's jealousy over Jimmy and Hailey is much like the sibling spat my brother and I go through every Thanksgiving, when jealousy rears its ugly head at the dessert table. See, I am quite partial to apple pie. It's warm, it's comfortable and it's damn fine. In this regard, it's much like Sandy Cohen (Also, like Sandy, apple pie also used to be a public defender, but was disbarred for leading a witness ... to go off her diet!). So every Thanksgiving, my grandmother bakes a wonderful apple pie, easily the best in the country, and I gorge myself upon it. But then I raise my head, warm apple filling and pie crust still cooling on my chin, and I see my brother enjoying a creamy slice of cheese cake. Cheese cake is delicious, a truly terrific dessert in its own regard, but it's no apple pie. And yet, I have a history with cheese cake. When I was 14, I ate three whole cheese cakes by myself one Christmas dinner. Needless to say, Santa didn't bring me any girls that Christmas. So even though I have this incredible dessert sitting in front of me, I still feel jealous that my brother is enjoying what used to be my cake. And that's just the way it is with Kirsten and Hailey and Jimmy.

Matty: As much of a (really fun) drunk as Kirsten is, there isn't enough alcohol in Vin Baker's fridge to make her truly jealous of Jimmy and Hailey. She has Sandy at home, the sage, understanding, hysterical husband that every woman dreams about. Sure, there's a past with Jimmy and, yes, Hailey is her sister. It's weird, kinda icky, but who among us has not been next door neighbors with their high school sweetheart who was married to their best friend and embezzling their clients' money while playing father to the girlfriend of our adopted runaway from Chino and is now dating our sister? Kirsten will get used to it. Lord knows I did. Plus, everyone has seen Sandy's eyebrows. And you know what they say about big eyebrows.

Discuss Kirsten's jealousy/OC on the message board


Give Seth some tips for the next time he meets a girlfriend's father.

Matty: Talk slow. Don't stutter. Enunciate. Don't wear a sweater vest. Shave. Refrain from playing footsie. Use the salad fork for the salad, the dinner fork for the dinner and those tiny lobster forks for your own amusement. Mention comic books, but don't dwell on them. Pretend that you know politics ("Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.") Oh, and give him one of those World's Greatest Dad of My Girlfriend mugs. He'll love it.

Mr. Blue: Meeting the parents in my world is so much easier than getting the girls.Ê Anyway, Seth was altogether too nervous, though I guess it can be that way.Ê But who cares?Ê I guess he should have just turned, been like, "what's up?Ê I'm sleeping with your daughter?Ê Good to know you!"Ê There's not really much advice to give. But didn't it seem like they made Seth just a little dorkier than usual?Ê The clothes?Ê The whining?Ê His pathetic inability to stop Ryan?Ê They need him to get in a fight. Can't some guy go after Summer, just cross a line, give him the finger and incite road rage?Ê I mean, the guy is a wuss. Maybe he needs to stand up to Eddie for T; that would be cool. Ryan, restrained by Sandy and his especially needy girlfriend is rendered helpless ... meanwhile, Seth steps up, gets knocked the f*ck out, but becomes a man ... and then he sacks up and goes to tell Summer's old man how it's going to be. That, my friends, is how you meet a girl's old man.

Rutherford B. Chillin': One can never go wrong with a fake handlebar mustache. The handlebar is all at once manly and very proper. Only the most upstanding of gentlemen can rock the handlebar 'stache. It is every father's dream to have his daughter wooed by a man who wears his facial hair like a true Wild West Dandy. Of course, based on Seth's performance, he could do pretty much anything short of "Sir, I can't wait to impregnate your daughter and then dump her," and improve.

Discuss Seth tips/OC on the message board Ê


Random thoughts/questions (Part II)
- Note to couples: if you wanna keep your romance a secret, do not make out on the steps of the people you want to keep it a secret from.
- I don't understand, how could Hailey fix Jimmy's faucet on the couch?
- Oh, I get it.
- When Marissa plays Pac-Man, do you think she refuses to let Pac-Man eat, too?
- I wonder what Caleb is cooking up (eh? get it?) for the restaurant.
- Are they trying to tell us that there isn't a single guest room in the Cohen's mansion?!?

Discuss Random Thoughts/OC on the message board