Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty R. Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Mr. Blue Favorite character: Kirsten The OC words to live by: Sandy: Face it, your mom‘s a hottie. And I got her. Contact: Private Message

Name: Leighton S. Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don‘t know because it stays there! That‘s why we must go! Contact: Private Message

THE ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION

How would you react if your friend was shagging the attractive mother of his ex-girlfriend?

Matty: This unprecedented feat in the annals of television history has gone largely unappreciated. I mean, sure, if you're Marissa and you've been through an eating disorder, your parents' divorce, your boyfriend cheating on you with a friend, a suicide attempt and a crazed stalker, you probably don't really need your ex - the only guy you've slept with - to be giving your mom a heaping of his sexual stew. But does Luke really need nothing but scorn from his supposed friends? Where are those tough guys that helped beat Ryan to a Chino pulp in the opening episodes? Are they too busy strumming on their own guitars to give their buddy some mad props? Where's the dap? The congratulatory fist pound and chest bump? Leighton, Blue dude, if you guys ever bag a MILF, you can count on the highest of fives from yours truly. Of course, you've gotta actually kiss a girl first. Maybe someday, fellas, maybe someday ...

Leighton: Wow. If I found out a friend was flexing bedsprings with the parent of another friend, I'd flip. Naturally, this rides (no pun intended) on who's involved. Depending on how close the people involved are to you, it can either be hysterical or devastating. We at The OC files are contractually obligated to ignore serious issues, so I'll speak of the hilarity. Face it, if you find it funny, you'll go with it. It doesn't matter if that girl who broke a heel and fell on the train next to you last week needed a new hip, the half fog horn, half goose honk noise she made when she hit the ground was really, REALLY funny. Point being, if you find yourself in the position to say "So, have you had sex with ____ today?" and mean it, you're doing better than most of us in the humor department. So go with it. On the other hand, I just discovered my zipper has been down for the last hour and a half (true story). I may want to re-think this ...

Mr. Blue: Well, it depends. How good looking is she? MILF-like good looking? (If you don't know that it means, you're not going to agree with my answer anyway). I mean, I guess it largely depends on the greater good. How will our other friends react? Are they going to hit a higher moral plane? Will it bother them? Throw a rift in the group? Create inexplicable amounts of drama for 30 of the best seconds of my buddy's life? If so, then, yeah, he gets some high fives! Plus, when we're at the girl's house, we can do that cool thing that action stars do, the subtle, knowing wink ... like, yeah, you totally did her! If not, then I guess it's OK, as long as that ex-girlfriend is not my sister, or, at the very least, does not share my biological mother. Then, I'd beat him up.

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Assign a senior superlative to each character in high school.

Matty: Marissa: Most Realistic Clothes Hanger
Seth: Hottest Mom
Summer: Best Season
Luke: Most Lovable Dumb Animal
Ryan: Best Body (what? he has really nice arms.)


Leighton: Seth: Most likely to be absolved for his soon-to-develop Oedipus complex.
Ryan: Most likely to be the next William Hung: "She bangs, she bangs ..."
Marissa: Best poster child for Sally Struthers' charities or 1980's hair salons.
Summer: Best Phoebe Cates look-alike AND Best candidate for holding up boyfriend's roommate by taking too long in the shower.Ê
Luke: Most likely to become lounge pianist on a cruise ship.


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Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

- When Seth was discussing himself on TV versus himself in real life, I was waiting for Dark Helmet to come out and order Colonel Sanders to go to "ludicrous speed."
- Paris Hilton and camera phones: what an ideally useless, ugly, spoiled combination.
- Do you think Jimmy's "happy place" also includes Apollo Creed in a white suit playing the piano with a new hand?
- I wonder what it says about myself and my friends that, while we were watching The OC, the girls in the apartment across the street were watching spring training baseball.
- I wonder what it says about myself and my friends that we were looking at the girls in the apartment across the street.



You are walking on a beach and you see Rachel Bilson. What do you do? What do you do?!?

Leighton: Well, I think it'd be more of a question of what she'd do. After the slow-motion-Baywatch-bouncing-run-to-one-another-with-arms-extended embrace, I'd probably introduce myself. She'd try to spoil the moment by telling me she's been waiting for me her whole life. She's so silly. To which I'd interrupt her by awkwardly placing my index finger (with probably too much pressure) in a 'shushing' position on her lips. After that, she'd of course be at a loss for words. I'd gently pick her up and carry her away from the horde of people. After tripping on a cooler and dropping her into the ocean, in her own Phoebe Cates-like exit from the water, Summer would tackle me, kiss me for being such an uncoordinated goof, and walk away with me into the sunset. A wink at a skin cancerous David Hasselhoff and I'd saunter into the sunset.Ê

Matty: Knowing me, I obviously make a really lame joke. She's never met me before, so she probably hasn't heard the one about two eggs in a frying pan, and the first egg goes, "wow, it's hot in here," and the other responds, "oh my goodness, a talking egg!" After bringing my A-game like that, she'd be all mine.

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Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

- To quote an acquaintance: Between the girlfriend of Colin Hanks' character, some of Mischa's outfits, the always attractive Summer and the ever-present MILF factor, the tang meter was extremely high last night.
- A club that allows 16-year olds AND has strippers?? Wow, L.A. is quite a city.
- Note to girls: if the star of a TV show invites you back to his SUV to watch new episodes, he probably has other things on his mind.
- When Hailey was crying in front of Jimmy, was anyone else waiting for her to scream: "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so ... scared."

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