Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty R. Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Mr. Blue Favorite character: Kirsten The OC words to live by: Sandy: Face it, your mom‘s a hottie. And I got her. Contact: Private Message

Name: Leighton S. Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don‘t know because it stays there! That‘s why we must go! Contact: Private Message

THE ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION

Paris Hilton guest stars on the next new episode. If you could choose one person to make a guest appearance, who would it be and what role would he or she play?

Matty: The OC has it all ... almost. Sexual intrigue, humorous dialogue, crazed stalkers, a MILF that makes Stifler's mom look like a stiff, you can count on these enjoyable aspects like some sort of clockwork that only chimes for an hour every week. Similar to head coaching positions in the NFL, however, Newport is severely lacking in the diversity department. What can executive producer McG McDo about this? The answer lies behind a pair of glasses that lies behind a pair of sunglasses: Dwayne Wayne. Give Kadeem Hardison a call -- he hasn't been very busy since he gloated about going to Sizzler in White Men Can't Jump -- and ask him to reprise his role from the underrated sitcom, A Different World. As an educated African-American, one who stood up to racial issues (along with the snooty Whitley) every week, Dwayne would be the perfect fit on the show, able to go toe to toe with Seth in witticisms, while adding some color on the normally bland palate of Orange County. Originally from New York, Dwayne would have no problem fighting alongside Ryan in the next inevitable breakout of fisticuffs and, if all goes well, fellow Different World alum Sinbad could make an appearance as Caleb's love child.

Leighton: This is hard. If I could pick a guest star who potentially becomes a regular character, I would go with Brittany Daniel. She could easily play the part of Sandy's refreshingly cool, and unbelievably attractive, kid sister. Or Kate Bosworth, who could make a few cameos as Luke's cute cousin. If anyone claims that these blondes aren't two of the hottest females on the planet, they're probably from New Jersey. But I digress. If I had to pick one person for one episode, it would definitely be Will Ferrell. He's our generation's Three Stooges fused into a single man. Couldn't you picture him as a pool cleaner or a waiter in Sandy and Jimmy's restaurant? Besides awkwardly sampling the patron's foodstuffs, he could not-so-subtly whisper things like "Just let it happen" into Kirsten's ear, angrily confront old-lady restaurant goers for not knowing what they want to eat, or outwardly display his distaste for wearing pants. Am I the only one cracking up to the thought of such an SNL-infused O?C?? Crap, I am, aren't I? Ok, good stuff, good stuff.Ê

Mr. Blue: Two words: Jenna Jameson. One role: Ryan's other ex ... his "first." Just watch Marissa try to compete; that can even the be the tag line from the commercial.

Discuss Guest stars on the message board


Assign a catch phrase to the character(s) of your choosing.

Mr. Blue: Sandy Heyy ... Just like the Fonz. He's that cool.
Luke: Dude, you're getting a Dell.

Matty: Ryan: Let's get ready to rummmbbbble!
Sandy: And that's the bottom line 'cause Sandy said so!
Kirsten: Dy-no-mite! I look dy-no-mite!

Leighton: Impressed by Sandy's bilingual versatility in The Telenovela episode, I'd like to stretch his Spanish to include; Mantequilla. Literally, it means "butter." However it's just fun to say and something I see Sandy having a lot of fun with. Say it with me, Mon-Te-Key-Ya! Now, wasn't that fun? Think about it, back when Sandy found out about Seth's new girlfriends: "Mantequilla!" Otherwise I'd go with a classic marketing line. Remember the old Juicy Fruit song? "Juicy fruit, it's gonna move ya. Juicy Fruit, it gets right to ya. Juicy Fruit the taste, the taste, the taste that's gonna move ya". Well, we could re-write it:
Julie Coop, is gonna woo ya. Booty call? She'll get right to ya. Julie Coop, the waste, the waste of space that's gonna do ya. Yeah!

Discuss Catchphrases on the message board


It's The Simpsons versus The OC: Who is the better father, Homer or Sandy? Better looking, Marge or Marissa? More troublesome child, Bart or Ryan? Better neighbor, Ned Flanders or Julie Cooper? Better website, The Simpsons Quotes or The OC Files?

Leighton: Homer: Leads by ridiculous example. "Let's just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV."
Sandy: Lets kids experience life for themselves. "Gentiles. I love your mother more than words, but not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends."
Edge: Homer Ê

Marge: Would be 9.5 feet tall in real life.
Marissa: Would be 9.5 inches thick in real life.
Edge: Marge

Bart: Sinister, proven marksman with a slingshot; best friend is a nerd.
Ryan: Constipated, killer right cross; best friend is a nerd.
Edge: Tie (Tiebreaker: Goes to Bart for being in a lesser weight class)

Ned Flanders: Prophetic, generous, do-gooder.
Julie Cooper: Promiscuous, genetically enhanced, do-anyoner.
Edge: No comment (my mom reads this now)

OC Files: Chock full of information on the most entertaining show on TV.
The Simpsons Quotes: Non-stop hilarity
Edge: The Simpsons Quotes

Mr. Blue: Clearly Homer. He cares about the important things in life. He bought his daughter a saxophone, Sandy got HIMSELF a surf board. He selflessly broke countless laws to help his jailbird mother, Sandy selfishly made Kirsten feel guilty for helping her jailbird father. Need I go on? Plus, no matter how much he messes up, Homer somehow always makes things right.
One question: Have you ever seen Marge with her hair down? (Insert your own inappropriate noise here.) I will say, Marissa has been looking better when she wears more clothing. I think she is just too skinny.

Clearly Bart. Ryan has become too calm, too easy going. He's not the same guy he was in the first few episodes. You think Eddie would have won that fight three months ago? Although this could be similar to Bart hiding out in the episode that even Martin makes fun of him. A temporary lapse in the "problem child" category, I sure hope so.

Julie, by a mile. Although, it wouldn't hurt to have Ned on the other side, praying for your soul that's thinking about your neighbor.

The Simpsons Quotes is hysterical. Can we at The OC Files really compete?

Matty: Nobody laughs harder at Homer Simpson than yours truly - and I've also had enough of this Vassar bashing! - and I don't doubt that he loves his kids. But, if there's any justice in the world, the back of dollar bills will someday read, "In Sandy we trust." The man is just a fantastic father, giving his kids leverage to learn from their own mistakes while enforcing tough love when necessary. And he's one funny Jew.

On the attractiveness front, I've gotta give the nod to Marissa, assuming she isn't turned sideways so I can't see her (yep, another thin joke!). 98.4% of females look better with their hair down, so I just cannot choose Marge, who gives a new definition to the hair-up style.

As far at the kids are concerned, troublesome? Isn't that a little harsh? I mean, these are a couple classic cases of insecurity manifesting itself in pranks and violence. Bart is only 10. He uses sling shots and is the proverbial thorn in Skinner's side because he is in dire need of attention. Ryan is simply accustomed to using his fists to solve problems; it's what he knows, how he was brought up in Chino and the only way he thinks he can earn respect. I don't wanna label either one of these misunderstood adolescents as "troubled," I prefer to think of them as in the process learning. It's gonna be alright, fellas.

When it comes to neighbors, Julie has lots of sex, but it's not as though I could watch. Flanders lets you steal his stuff. I'll take the free barbecue and blender.

The Simpsons Quotes, no contest, is the better website. It doesn't have three know-it-alls rattling on nonsensically; it merely has the funniest quotes in television history.

Discuss Simpsons/OC on the message board Ê


(Very) Random thoughts/questions

- If the Afflack Duck and Thirst, the Sprite mascot, ever fought to the death, well, I hope they'd both lose.
- Apparently "passion fruit" is an actual type of fruit.
- Annie Lenox, Anna's mother? Think about it.
- A million-dollar bill? I mean, come on!