Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty R. Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Princess Consuela Banana Hammock *Guest Roundtabler* Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Sandy: It's great that you hung in there after all the foreplay. Seth: Fore what now?

Name: Darkly Noon *Guest Roundtabler* Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one.

THE ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION

Did Sandy do the right thing?

Matty: Gee, let's think about this: Sandy's illegal actions may net him Kirsten in handcuffs. If that's the wrong thing, then he shouldn't ever wanna be right! No, seriously -- or at least more relevantly -- Sandy is a family man above all else. He's willing to put his job on the line in order to keep his wife and her father safe. If Caleb is Man of the Year, Sandy is Father of the Decade. He's my hero.

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock: Sure, he didn't really have a choice, right? Honestly, I was more interested in my ice cream during that particular plotline, but I guess the gist is that he's helping Caleb and breaking the law for his family's sake? Anything for the family. Ê

Darkly Noon: In a no-win situation like this, it's impossible to fault Sandy for protecting Kirsten. He has shown willingness to stand up to Caleb in the past, and it was obvious he resented helping his father-in-law out in this case. Had the legal situation implicated Caleb alone, things may have progressed differently. Sandy's unrelenting love for his wife - even under tumultuous circumstances that most marriages of the Orange County would not survive - has always been a central theme of the show, and he remained true to his values with this decision. In spite of the obvious moral quandary, he made the right call. Plus, did anyone see the dress Kirsten was wearing at the end of the show? Because of what Sandy did, that piece was coming off in a matter of minutes. End of story.

Discuss Sandy's actions on the message board


So Luke plays the guitar. Give us the words to the chorus of the song he was singing.

Darkly Noon: Somehow, I can't imagine any profound lyrical brilliance coming from this jock-turned-folk singer. Probably something along these lines:
Hey, Hey, That's okay
It don't matter that my dad is gay
Hey, Hey, I'm the bomb
Now I just tang Marissa's mom
She's got beauty, she's got class
It's just ... that ass!


Matty: The song would be called, "Like Luke Ward," sing it with me (to the tune of "Like a Virgin"):
Like Luke Ward
Touching Julie Cooper's backside,
Like Luuuuuke Ward
Whose father
Likes to use the KY.
Like Luke Ward
Is Caitlin Cooper next?
Like Luuuuke Ward
I'll do anyone, related to my ex.


Princess Consuela Banana Hammock: First of all, can we talk about the fact that the supposed tough guy, Luke, was PLAYING THE GUITAR AT SCHOOL?? I guess any kind of a cohesive character can't really be expected from Luke, but really? The guitar in high school? I thought Luke was supposed to beat up the kid who plays the guitar at school. Anyway, that being the case, I think he was playing Lola, a 70's classic about confusion and coming of age. I don't think it would do the song justice to write out the chorus ...

Discuss Luke's song on the message board


Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

- Who would have imagined that a show produced by a McDonald's Happy Meal would be so entertaining?
- 9:11 p.m. EST: Caitlin Cooper actually appears on The OC!
- 9:34 p.m. EST: an African-American actually appears on The OC!
- Ladies, help me out here: are Marissa and Theresa really the same dress size?
- I mean, the only thing that could fit into Marissa's clothes is a pencil. Or perhaps an elongated piece of broccoli.
- I'm saying she's really thin.


Apparently Ryan is a big fan of Journey. Choose the best: Journey or Bon Jovi?

Matty: Don't worry, Ryan, I won't Stop Believing in Journey, but when it comes to Jon Bon and the boys, whether I am Wanted Dead or Alive, I am gonna yearn for their musical genius to be blasting from my headphones. One could argue that I should embrace Journey with Open Arms, but I am always Keepin' the Faith in my all-time favorite Jersey-born and bred entertainers. I wouldn't consider myself Livin' on a Prayer or any sort of misconception because Bon Jovi is quite the opposite of Bad Medicine; it's great music. Faithfully, I will still rock out to Journey when the occasion calls for it, and I know that Any Way I Want It, I can have it with this stellar band. But listening to Bon Jovi is like lying in a Bed of Roses. The group may give Love a Bad Name, but it gives me a wonderful feeling.

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock: Journey fans are popping up all around me lately. I don't know quite what to make of it, but I don't like it. Definitely Bon Jovi.

Darkly Noon: A Classic East-West debate, pitting Bon Jovi, one of the few positive things ever to emerge from the cesspool that is New Jersey, against San Francisco product Journey. While Steve Perry's soaring vocals and Neil Schon's melodic, yet catchy guitar leads have made Journey a venerable group with timeless appeal, Bon Jovi carved a niche as the ultimate 80s band. The group's hit songs Ð particularly from the multi-platinum 1986 smash "Slippery When Wet" - have become synonymous with the entire decade for those who grew up during it, as has the band's trashy/long-haired/pretty-boy style. The influence and staying power of both ensembles makes this comparison difficult, so I'll rely on geography to break the tie. Hailing from the outskirts of Los Angeles, Ryan's appreciation for Journey is understandable. But because of their working-class charm, and Jon Bon Jovi's propensity for wearing a Kerry Collins jersey on stage, I will (reluctantly) stick with the Garden State natives on my home coast.

Discuss Bands on the message board


Who would win in an MtV Inferno-type competition, the cast of The OC or the cast of Saved by the Bell?

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock: You people really like the Saved by the Bell comparisons, huh? I guess the cast of the OC? I don't really see the SBTB girls as being very coordinated. Except maybe Lisa, she could kick a little ass. She should go up against Ryan, I think that would be a good match. Even if she loses, her fashion sense could help Ryan out a bit. They must have worn something other than wife beaters in Chino, right?

Matty: There's a saying, applicable to doubles tennis, beer pong, or any sort of Inferno, Fear Factor-type competition: a team is only as good as its weakest link. So that would probably leave it as a battle between Screech and Seth; scrawny versus puny, lovable nerd versus witty dork, suspenders versus polo shirts. We've never really witnessed the athletic or intense side of Seth. Flying around on a skateboard doesn't count, you could give a stuffed moose head a push on one of those things and they'd keep on rolling. I know, I tried it once. Remember when that army guy came to Bayside, though, and Screech led his team to victory in the obstacle course? He hopped through those tires like some sort of Mexican hopping bean .. the kind that hops through tires. And who will ever forget when Zack kissed Lisa and Screech challenged him to a fight after school, tearing off a piece of his shirt in the process? Point being, Screech can be physical, he can be inspired and fierce. Seth? He couldn't even climb onto a three-foot high table on the first try. Also, Mr. Belding would dominate Dr. Kim. And Slater was somehow All-City in like eight sports. Ryan would have to perfect his slide tackling technique against him for sure.

Darkly Noon: It would be a battle, but no bell is going to save the Bayside High School crew in this one. The cast of The OC just has too much depth. Zack Morris' shrewd, competitive creativity is negated by Ryan Atwood's strength and perseverance. Seth Cohen versus Screech is a wash. You have to give A.C. Slater a slight edge over Luke Ward, whose MILF affair (plus his father coming out of the closet) may soon take an emotional toll. But a huge advantage for The OC cast comes from its female stars. Marissa and Summer can be a high-maintenance and shallow tandem to be sure, but both have shown resiliency and never stop short of getting what they want. Anna leaving the show means Theresa will take her spot, bringing an extra dose of Chino toughness to the table. I just don't see Kelly, Jesse and Lisa competing at such a high level. And lastly, a big edge goes to the steady, wise Sandy Cohen over the clueless Mr. Belding.

Discuss OC vs. SBTB on the message board Ê


Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

- No more Anna probably means no more Jenga. That's a little sad.
- Did anyone else's apartment all of a sudden get very dusty during the airport farewell?
- You know, I once "defragged my hard drive" to thoughts of Angela from Who's the Boss.
- Whoever is writing Luke's character is like a five-year old making his own dinner: "Oohh, oooh, I want M&Ms with spaghetti covered in chocolate sauce and Jello with slices of banana and Ritz crackers sprinkled on top!"

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board