Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim

Name: Max Power Favorite character: Hailey The OC words to live by: Puuuuuddding!

What will be the first thing that Trey actually steals?

Matty Rich: How about the spotlight from his little brother and other main characters? With Seth whining about the past and dining Summer; Ryan growing really long hair; Kirsten sitting in a tree with Carter and Sandy freeze framing every shot of a certain 80's movie, the time is ripe for the elder Atwood to cause quite the stir in Newport. Once he reunites with his posse, Deuce and Quattro, Trey and his evil smile will put the "oh! back in The OC."

Max Power: Marissa's heart.ÊJust as Ryan and Marissa are set to get back together, in swoops Trey who puts Ryan's quasi bad boy image to shame.Ê The beef between the brothers grows to such a point that Ryan actually bludgeons Trey to death with Captain Oats, while screaming, "You know how much money I've wasted buying Balboa bars for her, and you want to take her away from me just as she's starting to put on some weight???"Ê Either that or a car.ÊIt's a tossup.

Darkly Noon: The first thing Trey actually steals will be Marissa's heart. To her, a nice guy is like food - keep it away! We all know she is attracted to males from the wrong side of the tracks, be they the tracks of sanity (Oliver), the law (Ryan) or Mexico (D.J.). Ryan is officially Newportized now, though. He has completely gone soft and won't satisfy Marissa's urge for excitement for long. Who better to occupy his place in her heart than an older, rough-and-tumble ex-con who is also a blood relative?

Rutherford B. Hayes: You mean aside from my watch receipt? Let's hope he steals a tougher name. Tracy just isn't cutting it. I mean, at this point he could swipe "Carter Buckley" and instantly become more intimidating.

Discuss Trey stealing on the message board.

So who exactly were those thugs and what is their position in The Newport Group?

Darkly Noon: Thugs? Talk about stereotyping. Eddie and Vinny are probably just two of Caleb's builders. You know, for his real estate development company. They build houses and condos and stuff. Why else would Caleb need to employ such big dudes?

Rutherford B. Hayes: You think Kirsten is the only Nichol to take in bad boys from Chino? Please. Caleb has a soft spot in his heart, too (which is now filled with pace maker). And unlike Kirsten, he even gave his foster family jobs. One of the brutes is Vice President in Charge of Curtain Closure, while the other is a consultant the group often brings in after someone's been beaten up in a hotel room to make them look like they haven't been touched. At all.

Matty Rich: Julie wasn't the only member of that marriage to experiment in the past. Why do you think Caleb walks so upright? Have we ever seen him sit down for more than a few minutes at once? Think about it. The man stands tall because he seen it all and done it all - including Hector and Rufus, the two surly, stacked friends of Will who are currently employed as The Newport Group's financial thugs. They've been in a hotel room with Caleb before. Just under different circumstances.

Max Power: Both sons of season one's Uncle Sean, Seamus and Patrick O'Callaghan work as Assistant Vice Presidents of Security in the Newport Groups secret elite Cobra Division.Ê Cobra's secret mission: "Ridding Newport of America's heroes and encouraging Marissa to eat more Balboa bars."

Discuss the new Caleb's thugs on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• Forget racial profiling, that episode was filled with Trey-cial profiling!.
• Zach, rule #1 of making up girlfriends is to be somewhat realistic. 6'2" blondes? That's northern Europe, not Italy.
• Apparently Mother Zach failed out of maternal cover-up class.
• And this week's Best Use of Alliteration Award goes to Julie for her witty line, "Kirsten Cohen Crushes Carter."

According to the significant other of a certain Round Tabler: "Kirsten has the BEST outfits.Ê I am so jealous, I can hardly stand it." Petty jealousy or legitimate beef?

Rutherford B. Hayes: I say to her, forget your jealousy of Kirsten's fab outfits and instead focus on your unique ability to speak in capital letters. You're the envy of girls everywhere!

Max Power: Petty jealousy.Ê But if she had said Marissa instead of Kirsten, the answer would definitely be legitimately insane.Ê Did you see her in the mall with Ryan and Trey: I'm so noxious, I can hardly stand.

Darkly Noon: Jealousy? Beef? Why can't a girl just react positively to another (fine) woman's outfits? Or admire a fellow career woman's strength in balancing work and family life? What the hell kind of question is this?

Matty Rich: Mmmm ... legitimate beef. Put some petty jealousy on that and you've got yourself a meal fit for a confused person! As far any sort of logical, relevant response goes: I agree completely with this anonymous source. I can't stand it when Kirsten wears any outfits.

Discuss Kirstens's clothes on the message board.

What will be the next Newport scandal?

Darkly Noon: If you think this recent scandal was bad, just wait. At the next huge community gathering at the Cohen residence - probably two or even three episodes away by ocfiles.com estimates - guests will be just about ready to sit down and enjoy a gourmet feast when the never-before seen Director's Cut of The Porn Supremacy is unveiled on an enormous projection TV screen!

Matty Rich: I'm not sure, but it'll probably be made by Manolo Blahnik and cost a fortune.

Rutherford B. Hayes: Turns out Zach did meet someone in Italy, and that person was 6'2" and beautiful. But it's not Francesca. It's Frank Cesca, celebrity voice impersonator. Hilarity ensues when Ryan is convinced Rip Taylor is calling him every night for a week. However, hilarity turns to bitch-slapperyÊwhen Mr. War returns and challenges Zach to a gay-off.

Max Power: Caitlin's kidnapping from boarding school.Ê Surprisingly, it causes little uproar since everyone has forgotten who she is.

Discuss Newport scandal on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• Come to think of it, Lance totally lied when he said he gave Caleb the only copy of The Porn Identity!
• Trey's friend in Chino must really be wondering where he is by now.
• That was impressive catch of the apple by Seth. He should try out for the Rockford Peaches.
• So first Ryan, then Trey. When do Arnold and Willis arrive at the Cohen's?
• Wait, Trey is white???

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.