Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Leighton S. Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don‘t know because it stays there! That‘s why we must go! Contact: Private Message

Name: Max Power Favorite character: Hailey The OC words to live by: Puuuuuddding!

What is your saddest break up song?

Matty Rich: When I'm not happy, and I know it, I just can't clap my hands. And this is coming from a fella who simply loves pounding his palms together. So when Raffi breaks into that upbeat tempo, no matter how much I really wanna show it, my outstretched, motionless limbs remind me of the current state of my heart: broken, crushed, unclapping.

Max Power: Poison, by Bell Biv DeVoe. I'll 'Never trust a big butt that smiles.'

Leighton S.: Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar on Me. It's a little complicated. I was in a sticky situation in junior high. The SUV I had just borrowed from a distant uncle turned out to be stolen. To evade the authorities, a decent-looking Uruguayan crack junkie took me in. Days later, she passed away. I was young and didn't know about morgues, so I wrapped her in a silk sheet and threw her over a bridge. So the song's lyrics - 'Car's hot, sticky sheet, from the dead in my Jeep, yeah' - always touch a nostalgic nerve.

Darkly Noon: For some reason, the song's name isn't coming to mind. But I think I can recall some of the lyrics: Fresh new kicks ... and pants! You got it like that now you know you wanna dance! / So move ... out of your seat, and get a fly girl and catch this beat / While it's rollin' ... hold on! Pump a little bit and let me know it's going on / Like that... like that. Cold on a mission so pull on back / Let 'em know... that you're too much. And this is a beat - Uh! - U can't touch!

Discuss sad songs on the message board.

Who would win a fight between mini-Seth and mini-Me?

Darkly Noon: The way things have transpired lately, I believe that Mini-Me could take regular Seth in three rounds or less. What a whiny, pathetic, self-absorbed disgrace to the species. Hey, OC, We know what you're trying to do, okay? You want us to think Seth is kooky and weird. He doesn't look good in hats, so when he leaves the house in a rainstorm, he wears ... a Spiderman mask! Of course. Awesome! The only question on Darkly's mind is how many joints were being passed around at the writers' meeting when this idea was concocted. Give us a break. We don't need such cheap gags to appreciate Seth. We all love him when you simply let him be the self-deprecating, witty and quirky dork he is.

Leighton S.: Tough call. I don't even know you.

Matty Rich: We all know that Dr. Evil's little spawn fights dirty. But unless mini-Me can find some tiny ear plugs, the smaller version of selfish, whiny Seth takes this match-up in a walk. Or a complaint is more like it. A multitude of self-centered complaints. Without raising his feeble fists or throwing his tiresome plastic horse at his adverasry, mini-Seth merely has to open his mouth; the diminutive doctor will run away, eardrums bleeding, never wanting it to be just the two of them in the same room ever again. At least I hope that's what happens. We don't need to give Seth another reason to snivel about being a victim.

Max Power: Obviously mini-Me. In fact I'm sure that mini-Me could kick big Seth's ass. Seth will go down as the wimpiest character to ever get the hot girl in history. And poor Zach, he must feel like such a loser to lose Summer to Seth. Just remember Zach, "She's so fly ... She'll drive you right out of your mind ... Steal your heart when you're blind ... Beware she's schemin', she'll make you think you're dreamin'...You'll fall in love and you'll be screamin' demon."

Discuss the new mini-Seth on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• I also drown my sorrows in the oboe.
• All that was missing from that scene were Lindsay's braces and headgear.
• At times like this, you just have to ask yourself, "What would Luke Ward do?"
• At the end of the episode, was I the only one screaming for more Oasis covers? Probably.

Is Marissa ready to be a stay-at-home lesbian?

Max Power: You know I always wondered what lesbian couples did with all their shoes

Darkly Noon: While it is obvious that no one likes to wear pants in this relationship (ooooh ...), somebody has to bring home the funds necessary to pay what is known as rent. Yes, Marissa. That's what middle- and lower-class citizens pay, on a monthly basis, in exchange for lodging. Hey, at least you won't spend much on food. Hi-oh! But seriously, Marissa will have little choice but to be the S.A.H.L. for two reasons. First, Newport girls just don't do the whole job thing. Second, if Alex is issuing $500.00 cash loans to friends, chances are the two of them can live quite comfortably off her Bait Shop salary and benefits package.

Matty Rich: I'm pretty sure Marissa isn't ready for anything, certainly not her next meal. Granted, the girl is used to cleaning (her stomach lining out), cooking (up plots to annoy her mother) and vacuuming (the carpet). But does that really mean she is prepared to stay at home all day while her beautiful lesbian lover deals with the daily grind of a job? Probably.

Leighton S.: Nah. I do think she'll find novelty in it for the first few days, though. Laundry, dishes, bathroom cleaning - it'll all prove too complicated for her. She'll inevitably call someone to do it for her. Things could get ugly when she decides to drink bleach. Aside from turning her into an albino, bleach might severely diminish Marissa's capacity as a lesbian. So let's not go down that road ... wait, yes, go down ... no, I mean ... wow, this was easier when she was just a drunk.

Discuss Marissa on the message board.

Lindsay is moving to Chicago because she doesn't want to be Caleb Nichol's daughter. Would you want to be Caleb Nichol's daughter?

Leighton S.: Heck yeah. Beauty, fame, financial stability, I fail to see the drawbacks. With all of those blessings, I can't think of a single reason not to be the most selfless, giving, self-respecting woman in the world. Come to think of it, I can't think of a single person with such privilege who doesn't act that way. I'd like to be one of those women. I would, however, take advantage of spoiling myself at the Paris Hilton every once in a while, I hear it's really nice. But that would only be a quick stop before moving on to a less fortunate region and spreading my assets.

Darkly Noon: Before I discuss why I would have my left arm amputated to be that insanely wealthy (and now kind-hearted) man's daughter, let's make sure we understand Lindsay's story. Only one episode ago, she embraced Caleb as her father-to-be, then was devastated at the prospect of a DNA test proving otherwise. Now that everything is in order, Lindsay no longer "wants to be" his daughter, instead opting to uproot her life and move to Chicago. Hey, OC, you don't fool us. We know you like to tie up all your little subplots at once, no matter how implausible the scenarios. This is not necessary in order to retain viewers, but if you insist, at least go over the top next time and kill somebody off. The whole "moving-back-to-the-midwest-to-be-with-family" concept is getting old.

Matty Rich: The man hands out money as though it grows on trees of some sort. He pays no attention to the whereabouts of his step-daughter. While constant cash flow and perpetual freedom are nice, where is the love? If I am not gonna receive airplane rides on the feet of my pops, if he is gonna spend more time making real estate deals than making me an ice cream sundae - and a priority in his life - then he can keep his DNA. I want some T and A, which I'll at least possess as a daughter. But I also want some QT with my father. Caleb rarely provides this.

Max Power: Would I want to be Caleb Nichol's daughter? No. Would I want to marry Caleb Nichol's daughters (yep plural)? Heck yeah! We should just put Caleb Nichol out to stud - I swear this man creates more hot women then all of Scandinavia put together. Plus, if you marry one, it's like winning the lottery; not only do have a beautiful wife, but you're also looking at a financial windfall once Ryan gives him his second heart attack.

Discuss Caleb's daughter on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• According to staff research, last night's show set a new television record for most characters written off in a 10-minute span!
• 8:12 EST - Pretty girls make out on the O.C.!
• With each other!
• It's nice to see the show thinking of its own ideas. I can't wait for next week when Seth props Summer up on the mast of a ship and screams, "I'm the king of the world!"

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.