Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Leighton S. Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don‘t know because it stays there! That‘s why we must go! Contact: Private Message

Where would you want your ashes spread?

Matty Rich: We had just come back from a six-run deficit. The other softball team had a man on first base. There were two outs. The bandana around my head was sweat-filled and partially red. It was also partially white. It said "49ers" on it. I peered in from left field. The ball was tossed legally, somewhere between six and twelve feet in the air, a white sphere floating through the sky like a larger version of a baseball. When the batter swung, I sprang. When he said tomato, I said tomato. But I didn't call anything off, oh no. I dove and I snagged that fly ball for the final out. Please spread my ashes there, where my body, spread-eagle and spread even, went all out for victory.

Leighton S.: ThereÕs a spot near Alamosa Colorado where growing up my family would always go hunting. Probably the most spectacular sunrises and sunsets I'll ever see. It's also where my morals and values are rooted; learned concepts of respect, humiliation, persistence, and bicameral legislature. It's also where I learned that it's really funny to point a gun at your brother. That is, until you shoot his hand off. My bad. I would want my ashes spread there, amongst the reeds that provided cover for me to murder hundreds and hundreds of creatures. When I go back, my dad says he'll teach me irony.

Darkly Noon: Someplace both wildly original and intimately personal. I would like them spread into the Pacific Ocean from a pier in Newport Beach, California.

Discuss ashes spread on the message board.

Is Zach romantic ... or a complete and utter loser?

Darkly Noon: You have to respect Zach as a genuinely nice, caring guy. Then you have to break a beer bottle over his chumpish head. Someone has to light a fire under this loser. First of all, Z-man, you can't plan out your first game of naked twister, so to speak. It's got to be spontaneous. After swapping the proverbial "v-cards" with Seth, Summer is having second thoughts about going past third base with you. That ought to indicate something amiss. More importantly, why have you not rolled Seth up in a carpet and thrown him off a bridge? After all the whiny little dweeb has done to interfere with you and Summer, your inaction is a disgrace to all males. I know, Seth is a friend. But sometimes, friends have to send friends to the hospital with a broken nose. Grow a spine.

Matty Rich: I can understand Zach's desire to make Summer into his Diane Lane. I haven't actually seen Under the Tuscan Sun, so I guess that analogy ends there. But my point is that she can be unfaithful with me any time! Also, I commend Zach on his initial desire to wait until marriage. But when he realized that Summer may be like really hairy and a dead fish in bed - and therefore decided to get it over with in Italy - I admired his brave decision to forego his values in lieu of logic, curiosity and grooming preference.

Leighton S.: Complete and uDDer loser. He's a cow. No, actually, he's a figurehead. He represents the voice of the FOX execs that are hoping the show doesn't promote promiscuity among the millions of pre-teens who are completely addicted to this show. Trust me, I've seen their emails to Ryan & Co. If Zach knows what's good for his future self-confidence, he'll cave. He's got Summer upset that they're NOT doing it? PLEASE let me have this problem. Loser.

Discuss the new Zach's choices on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• Seth doesn't have a TV in his room? Some rich family!
• I'm pretty sure the plural form of "Matrix" are the words "awful" and "nonsensical." Oh, no, those describe the sequels.
• How can Marissa be a lesbian if she doesn't eat anything?
• We don't give away spoils on The Files, thanks very much Ms. Know-it-all at the adoption party!

What is the proper punishment for Sandy?

Leighton S.: Julie Cooper

Darkly Noon: Punishment for what? For doing his job? Sandy is only trying to protect the interests of his client and family alike. Anything he told Kirsten about the case could make her an accessory and lead to her indictment on obstruction of justice charges. By harboring Rebecca, he is giving her the time she needs to craft the perfect strategy for her impending court battle. Sandy took an oath to uphold the legal system of the United States - a commitment that cannot be compromised. If lawyers violate their unique privileges, or let personal issues desecrate their professionalism, where does that leave us as a nation? This isn't fun and games, it's the law. Feathers may be ruffled at home, but sometimes that is just how it goes. Stay strong, Sanford..

Matty Rich: I'd say handcuffs, but that sounds like more of a reward. Instead, dear Sanford should have to spend some time with his whining, self-absorbed, self-pitying son. Force Sandy to hang out with Seth for awhile; he can find out first hand how the witty, cheery younger Cohen has turned into a recycled, agonizing sorry excuse for a man. Remember that sharp, humorous banter the two of you used to share, Sandy? Yeah, enjoy the new, repetitive, achingly boring Seth. In other words, Kirsten, sit your man down in front of FOX between the hours of 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. on Thursday nights, he'll wonder what has become of his offspring.

Discuss Sandy's punishment on the message board.

A character on The Valley uttered the words: "Love is like geese - it flies north for the winter." Do you agree?

Darkly Noon: This absurd statement by an unnamed character on The Valley may be the worst metaphor ever used. It's not even accurate. You don't have to be an ornithologist to know that in winter, most species of North American geese fly south. Where it's warm. They return to their northern hopes in late spring/early summer in time to breed and raise their young. Although many residents of the Northeast do try to skip town during the bad weather months, any suggestion that human relationships and the patterns of migratory birds are somehow connected is preposterous. The assertion only illustrates the egocentric nature, and/or lack of intelligence, ingrained in Southern California's population.

Matty Rich: If "geese" are a rainbow, and "the winter" is a pot of gold, then love would be like a rainbow - it flies north for the pot of gold. That saying would make even less sense.

Leighton S.: Unless we're in the Southern Hemisphere, geese fly south during the winter, right? No matter. I couldn't agree more. I mean, love is a battlefield.

Discuss Love on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• So, Lindsay: who's your daddy?!?
• No, seriously.
• If Caleb is Linday's real father, why exactly must he formally adopt her?
• Didn't Alex's friends used to all be guys? That girl is popular ... and very, very confused.

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.