Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one.

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim

When did the tide last change for you?

Matty Rich: It was a rough and tumble afternoon, one full of tumbling roughly. I was doused in Jello, squaring off in the center of a ring filled to my knees with Bill Cosby's favorite snack. 30 years later, this rubbery substance would accuse the comedian of drugging and groping it, but on this day, its sole mission was to stand in the way of myself and my wrestling opponent. I barely recall how the match ended, but I'll never forget the laundry cycle that ensued: my clothes, drenched in green goodness, were thrown into the washing machine. I finished off the last of the Tide that day and changed, forever more, to Wisk.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Before I tell you of the last time the tide changed FOR me, let me tell you the sad story of the time the tide changed on me. The tide and I go way back, back to the days when we were just two dumb kids, jamming in my mother's basement. My mother kicked us out, though, because of the constant water damage. But by then, man, we were already rocking out something fierce. Day and night, as long as we were awake, we were just writing jams. For tide, it didn't matterÊwhether he was high or feeling low, he just wanted to be making music. Soon the record companies came calling and we couldn't believe that someone wanted to pay us to live out our dreams. But after two years on the road, it just wasn't about the music for tide anymore. Tide would hawk any product that tossed a few bucks his way, from laundry detergent to laundry detergent with bleach to laundry detergents with a bleach-like substance that wasn't harmful toÊclothes. I can still remember that day, when I realized it wasn't about the music for tide anymore. I looked at him and said "Tide, you've changed man." As for the time the tide changed for me, well, that was one beautiful summer I spent in a locker room, impersonating a football coach, and the reason why I can never go back to the University of Alabama ever again.

Darkly Noon: Unlike the glamorous Newport crew, I do not live on, or hang out at, the beach on a daily basis. It's not too far away, however. According to the Hartford Courant, the tide last turned at 6:53 this morning in New Haven, about 30 miles south of here.

Discuss tide turning on the message board.

Before they "did anything," what do you think Zach wanted to tell Summer?

Darkly Noon: What Zach was about to say is a typical OC cliffhanger, an admission that we must wait until at least next week to learn. It's better than way. Given Sandy's shocking moment of weakness, and the escalation of the Marissa train wreck, this development had to be postponed. But mark Darkly's words, this plot line is going to blow the Alex-Marissa tryst out of the water when the fit hits the shan. Zach was about to confess, without mincing words, that he is in love ... with Seth.

Matty Rich: I think Summer has a right to know about Zach's venereal disease before anything happens, don't you? Way to take responsibility, Z-man.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Because Zach is tall, handsome, well-dressed and seemingly perfect, I can only assume he was going to give Summer fair warning that he suffers from Kendollitis and not to expect too much. By now you're probably asking, what's Kendollitis? (and by now, I'm probably eating a delicious meat-based snack. Who's got the better of this deal, suckers?) Kendollitis is a rare disease that strikes only the most seemingly perfect men. Much like the Ken doll, the diseased are tall, handsome and have the right outfitÊshould any tennis, skiing, scuba or summer time fun situation arise. Unfortunately, along with these fabulous outfits and perfect smiles comes the downside: no genitalia whatsoever. Not even sporting a manly bulge, those that suffer from this ailment give a whole new meaning to flat-front khakis (that new meaning, of course, being derived from their lack of genitals). But don't feel too bad for Summer. Zach probably has a friend with a Malibu Dream House, and he can whisk her away to it in a bitchin' pink Corvette!

Discuss the new Zach's secret on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• Why, exactly, did they receive a free room the night after the comic book presentation?
• Summer's voicemail? Hysterical.
• The time has come, Zach: layy out Seth once again. Hard.
• It's nice to know that Julie hasn't completely forgotten about Caitlin.

Eulogize Max.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Not until we're married.

Darkly Noon: Max was a brilliant teacher and a loving father. He will always be remembered for the lives he changed, and not just those of his children, Rebecca, Matthew and Jeremy. Everyone - his students, his colleagues in the UC-Berkeley faculty, the victims of the judicial system he never knew by name but fought so valiantly for - owes him gratitude. Max was also a tremendous advocate for the advancement of liberal ideologies. Sadly, in his quest for a stronger, more tolerant America, he made a number of enemies, from Nixon staffers to Karl Rove. It is a shame that the Central Intelligence Agency followed him to Newport and helped induce his "stroke." May he rest in peace.

Matty Rich: As if having a restaurant named after him near Bayside High School were not enough, Max conquered the legal world. He made sure that his students passed more than merely the board - they passed Go in the game of life and collected $200 ... along with a set of moral values to last a lifetime. A man with white hair in an often ethically gray world, Max used to drink a lot of coffee. Today, he is remembered as much for what he was - a brilliant lawyer and an admirable mentor - as for what he was not - an archaeologist.

Discuss Max on the message board.

Let's play an OC version of Mad Libs! (Note: Each respondent jotted down his respective terms - in bold - without having seen the sentences in which they'd appear.)

Darkly Noon:

• Julie will successfully divorce and wax Caleb because she is angelic.
• That game of billiards was played arduously and for his win, Ryan deserves lesbians.
• Sandy's behavior can best be described as hyperactive. If you were Kirsten, you'd tang him with a gigantic popsicle.
• The hype for the show's last five minutes was spectacular. It made you remember the last time you kissed Elizabeth Anne.

Matty Rich:

• Julie will successfully divorce and squish Caleb because she is hot.
• That game of billiards was played delicately and for his win, Ryan deserves chinos.
• Sandy's behavior can best be described as smelly. If you were Kirsten, you'd hitchike him with a gigantic hot tub.
• The hype for the show's last five minutes was flaky. It made you remember the last time you kissed Juan, Jr..

Rutherford B. Chillin':

• Julie will successfully divorce and flay Caleb because she is robust.
• That game of billiards was played swimmingly and for his win, Ryan deserves robber barrons.
• Sandy's behavior can best be described as sausage-like. If you were Kirsten, you'd matriculate him with a gigantic vas deferens.
• The hype for the show's last five minutes was scientific. It made you remember the last time you kissed a young Rory Calhoun.

Discuss Mad Libs on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• So Ryan and Lindsay are back together.
• Right?
• Let's see, today is Friday, so we're actually not sure.
• That final five minutes was worth every iota of hype. Girls kissed!
• Girls!

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.