Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty Rich Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. Contact: Private Message

Name: Darkly Noon Favorite character: Ryan The OC words to live by: Juile: We're celebrating my new position. Sandy: I'm not gonna touch that one. Contact: Private Message

Name: Rutherford B. Chillin' Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: I'm just saying that you're daughter has an extraordinary amount of vim.

How do you hope Johnny dies: internal bleeding; skull fracture; or hermit crab mauling?

Matty Rich: I don't see any reason why he can't survive the fall, bounce off the sand, wind up in between Marissa and Kaitlin and create months more of awfully written, nonsensical awkwardness. This is The OC, right?

Darkly Noon: The most humane thing would be to pray that Johnny doesn't suffer; that his spinal cord is severed upon impact and that he feels nothing. But personally, I hope he is injured just enough to maintain complete awareness as a colony of hermit crabs devours his flesh.

Rutherford B. Chillin': Actually, I hope Oliver shoots him during the fall. That should wrap up this little storyline quite nicely. And by fall, I don't mean from the top of that massive 10-foot cliff to the soft sand below; I'm talking autumn, bitches. I know they haven't given this Johnny plot line enough attention, but I think with the right tinkering we could still have the lovable surfer on the show in November. (fingers crossed)

Discuss the hopeful death of Johnny on the message board.

Which will be Summer's reaction to finding the pot: Dude, what the heck is this?; or Duuuuuude!

Darkly: The former.

Rutherford: Oh, it's only pot? One would assume Seth was on every drug ever, including smoking retardation. If it's just pot, Summer's reaction should be "They why did he find colors so amusing, and why couldn't he stop touching my face? Doesn't he know how stoned people act? I mean, he's a television writer, er, character, er, he's a person...yes, a person. Shouldn't he know how stoned people act?"

Matty: Summer is high on life. She's also the only reason I don't drift into an anger-filled sleep watching this show each week. Her response to the dope discovery should be to dump Seth, team up with Taylor and traverse the country together, tantalizing viewers through tasty tomfoolery that includes terrorizing those who somehow still find The OC tolerable.

Discuss Summer's discovery on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part I)

• Maybe it's us, but didn't Johnny tell Marissa he loved her months ago?
• Apparently Julie's liquor stash in the kitchen cabinet.
• Thanks for ruining Save the Last Dance for us, Seth
• Fine, Kaitlin aged sixteen years in two seasons. But there's no way Marissa ever ate Baskin Robbins!

Will Julie change her name to Julie Cooper-Nichol-Roberts?

Rutherford: Shh! If you say that name three times into a mirror at midnight, Bloody Mary appears and tells you to get better storylines.

Darkly: I doubt it, but maybe it will come up in a future episode. Perhaps by then, FOX will have created a spin-off staring Neil Roberts called "The OC (Plastic Surgeons)" that focuses on the hunky doctor's struggle to balance work with a hectic home life involving new flame Julie and college-bound daughter Summer. The network might as well go this route, as this is the current program's only tolerable story line.

Matty: I hope so. Every time someone says that elongated surname, it'll kill a couple seconds. Less time to suffer through the tedium of all other story lines and characters on the show.

Discuss the Julie Cooper-Nichol-Roberts? on the message board.

For his interactions with the head of the board's daughter, does Matt deserve some serious dap or a backhanded slap?

Darkly: I really don't see why Sandy is so opposed to Matt's antics. The young mover and shaker is the only reason this company is staying afloat. You know what they say. Sometimes you play by the rules, other times you gotta start slinging poon if you want to get that contract. Yes, Sanford is a moral man. We get it. But if the Newport Group can build a new hospital that helps more than 100,000 uninsured residents of the Orange County, doesn't the end justify the means? Wouldn't Sandy realize that? This show sucks.

Matty: If Matt is anything like his exact double, Zach, then he'll probably bore his date to tears in a matter of minutes anyway. Sandy has nothing to worry about.

Rutherford: Serious dap (whatever that is). Unless, of course, the daughter of the head of the board gets bored with...well, you know.

Discuss Matt's actions on the message board.

Random thoughts/questions (Part II)

• This week's Ryan Usefulness Scale: 5.5
• The Liz Noon Quote of the Week: "Does my hair look like Kirsten's?"
• Seriously, do the writers know Taylor Townsend is on the show?
• RIP, Johnny. Rest in Perdition.

Discuss Random thoughts on the message board.