Once a week, the members of The OC Round Table will deliver their uncensored, unabashed, unwavering views on various issues affecting the show and its characters. Not so much knights as raucous fans of this FOX phenom, these pundits will comment on every aspect that hits the airways, from Ryan‘s bird-like facial expressions to Luke‘s transition from hotheaded jock to complete and utter loser. Agree with their views? Disagree? Send in your thoughts, comments, questions or harassing diatribes to any or all of the supposed sages. They‘ll publish viewer feedback in each subsequent edition of the Round Table. Now, it‘s time to pull up a chair, meet our panelists and dissect their takes on the shocking twists and turns that comprise The OC.

The panel:

Name: Matty R. Favorite character: Sandy The OC words to live by: Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen. E-mail: Mattr@ocfiles.com

Name: Mr. Blue Favorite character: Kirsten The OC words to live by: Sandy: Face it, your mom‘s a hottie. And I got her. E-mail: MrBlue319@hotmail.com

Name: Leighton S. Favorite character: Seth The OC words to live by: Seth: What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Ryan: What happens in Mexico? Seth: I don‘t know because it stays there! That‘s why we must go! E-mail: Leighton_s_3@hotmail.com

THE ROUND TABLE DISCUSSION

Against whom, Ryan or Luke, would you prefer to fight?

Leighton: Ryan, hands down. I don't know if I'm the only one who realizes this, but Ryan is a certifiable wuss. Even before he was castrated by Marissa, I'd imagine Ryan was the Andrew Golota of Chino. Cheap shots like Ryan's "Know what I like about rich kids...?" hammer throw don't render people as incapacitated as TV and movies would lead us to believe. Everyone grew up with a kid like this. My adolescent arch nemesis was Matt Zoolander. Without delving too far into my middle school tussles, I will say this: I'm certain that guys such as Matt share similar fates with the likes of Al Bundy and Bill Romanowski. I only bring this up to prove a point; Ryan would be outmatched in a scrap with yours truly. He needs to take a few tips from Luke (who's once again acting like the Luke we grew to like): sucker punches grab attention, but never do they leave foes without a desire for revenge.

Mr. Blue: I would much rather fight Ryan. He's turned into a pansy, which was never so obvious as when he tried to "pummel" that little wuss Oliver. He hit him three times, and Oliver didn't even go crazy. Screech could have put more of a pounding on the kid with three punches. Speaking of Screech, how great does The Max look with those pool tables and big leather chairs? I think Kelly Kapowski should make a cameo as a wholesome teacher in a future episode, but I digress. Needless to say, Ryan has basically been neutered in the short time he has been in the OC. Pathetic loser! I could kill him.

Matty: Has Ryan gone soft? Of course he has -- the guy makes Richard Simmons look aggressive. Signs of Ryan's anger are re-appearing, however, and while he may never find his old Baldwin Jones-like intimidation, I wouldn't wanna mess with him right now. Luke, conversely, is dealing with his father being gay by acting ... gay, as in happy, as in always smiling, as in forgetting how rough and touch he used to be. Sure, this week, he wanted to "drop the Great Gatsby," but one-liners such as that would just cause me to enjoy our mutual bloodshed. If you're gonna get beat up (which is not to say that I couldn't disfigure that chiseled mug if I wanted to!), you might as well get a kick out of it, right?


What is the appropriate punishment for Ryan's mischief?

Mr. Blue: He should be forced to go back to Chino on a "volunteer" basis and tutor young kids and serve food to the poor and the homeless. There, he will get a taste of the life he once lived, and get back in touch with the tough guy he used to be before that moron Marissa got a hold of him. Not only could he regroup, but he could turn back to that arrogant and angry punk, beating the crap out of everybody, sort of like when Jessie got off the drugs, but then got in touch with her wild side again, and became a stripper. That was some great entertainment. Now, I'm not suggesting Ryno become a stripper, but a brawler. He desperately needs to bust some skulls soon, or the show will totally jump the shark (wait, it did that in the first episode, which is why it's the best bad show on TV).

Leighton: I'm picturing an "It's a Wonderful Life"-style episode where Sandy's ghost (he's the wise one, after all) comes to Ryan showing him what his future will be like if he continues to act this way. He won't see a life of bars, neither of the prison variety no the dropped soap-type. He'll see a desolate picture, lacking in any attractive women whatsoever. Ryan's future hinges on one aspect: whether he'll sack up and drop Marissa like the gullible, flighty, dolt that she is. If he continues to be tossed around like a wet noodle, he'll end up wanting to go back to Chino. Romp with Summer? Why not! What happened to the cute blonde that Luke found in "TJ?" What's wrong with her? Anything that removes the leash Marissa has around his neck - that's punishment enough.

Matty: This wasn't on the level of Steve Sanders breaking into West Beverly and changing his grades, but any illegal entry on school grounds must be met with swift punishment, even if Ryan was correct in his assessment of Oliver as loonier than a bucket of drunk meal worms. Detention is a start, perhaps suspension should follow. But hasn't Dr. Kim caused enough harm already? She went behind Ryan's back and revealed his dishonest acts to Marissa, possibly losing Ryan the potential love of his life. No extra time spent after school, no number of erasers banged together, can ever equate to that punishment. You've stripped the kid of his dignity and his soul mate, Dr. Kim, isn't the crime more than paid off?


After becoming more familiar with Dr. Kim, who is your favorite TV principal of all time: Mr. Belding (Saved by the Bell), Mrs. Teasley (Beverly Hills, 90210), Mr. Foster (My So-Called Life), the big black guy from Boston Public, Mr. Skinner (The Simpsons) or Mr. Feeny (Boy Meets World)?

Matty: Ok, so Skinner always draws the hilarious ire of Super Intendant Chommers; and Mrs. Teasley was always firm yet fair; and that guy from Boston Public looks to be the epitome of authority; and Mr. Belding put the "pal" back into "principal;" but for overall intelligence, loyalty and sentimentality, how can you not choose the neighborly man in charge, Mr. Feeny? Guiding a young Corey Matthews through middle school, high school and college, Mr. Feeny was not merely an academic influence, but a social one, as well. Would Corey and Topanga have ever made it through together without his guidance? Luckily, they never had to find out, for he was always there, literally and figuratively, a sage man with a mustache and room in his heart for well-meaning adolescents. He also got to watch Topanga blossom from a cute teenager to a heart-stopping sex kitten, the lucky bastard.

Leighton: I think I have to go with Mr. Belding. Despite his annoying quirkiness, Belding was for Zack what porn is for my roommates. They needed one another. They learned from one another. Belding created the regulatory symbiosis that all of us could use a little more of. "Screech you can't elope!..."

Mr. Blue: The greatest television principal, without question, is Principal Skinner. You can name all the principals you want, but I've never seen one so in tune with the students he teaches, such a wonderful innovator and, really, just a nice guy. One word to describe him: brilliant! He puts Mr. Belding to shame, big time.


What was your favorite Danny joke of the hour?

Matty: Any time I used to tell my dad that I was tired, he'd respond with, "Hi, tired, I'm Don!" Classic stuff. So call me sentimental -- just never call me early in the morning, I hate that -- but when Sandy introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Sandy," and Danny replied that he better go take a shower, well, it was comedic gold.

Mr. Blue: Doing the bull dance in the hallway was priceless.

Leighton: I think Sandy said it best, "He's not funny." 'Nuff said.


Random thoughts/questions:
- Danny TiVo'd Leno?
- Just for the record: MY mom makes the best meatloaf
- At least they didn't give away too much about the upcoming episode
- Is Anna secretly a member of the Brady Bunch? Why did she continually "wash up" before eating?
- The leather couches and pool tables in my high school were much nicer
- Leno?!?